refapeak.blogg.se - Biff response examples

Where it is clear that you will not change their view or.

The communications is simply the other persons opinion of you.

There is clearly no real issue being discussed.

Sometimes it will be better not to respond at all, particularly where: There is a final part to the BIFF response, which a former Kennedy Partners client helpfully amended to the BIFF (AOI) response.ĪOI stands for “And Occasionally Ignore”: Silence means consent to a defensive mindset. High conflict people tend to believe that you agree with them unless you promptly disagree. In general, it is best to respond promptly, after reviewing your draft response. If you need a response, it helps to set a firm but realistic reply date. Ask a question that requires a Yes or No answer, and if necessary, provide two clear options and ask your ex to nominate one. Sometimes you will need a response from the other person. It does not mean that one needs to be harsh. Just a friendly greeting and closing, for example “Thanks for your email” or “I appreciate your concerns” and close with a friendly comment such as “I hope you have a nice weekend”.įIRM: This means that the goal of your response should be to end the conversation without further hostilities. Stay focused on providing relevant information.įRIENDLY: This is often the hardest part when you are being attacked but this avoids feeding the hostilities. You don’t need to defend yourself when another person is being hostile. INFORMATIVE: Give straight information in neutral language, rather than emotions, opinions, defences or arguments. They may be able to help you to cut down the response or identify potentially inflammatory remarks.

You can also give your draft BIFF response to someone else to review before you send. It is helpful to step back and not respond right away. Don’t give too many words for your ex to react to. The BIFF response (formulated by Billy Eddy/High Conflict Institute) is a technique that usually puts a stop to hostilities and provides a model for respectful communication moving forward.īRIEF: Keep it short, typically a paragraph, even when the comment you are responding to goes for paragraphs or pages. These are all good reasons to avoid high conflict communication, but we understand you may not be the one initiating it! So, what can you do when your ex sends you a hostile communication? For further information the Family Courts have a publication on this issue.įamily lawyers often use examples of communications between parties as evidence of family violence, attitudes towards parenting, attitudes towards the other parent and evidence of which parent is better able to make long term decisions or facilitate and support a relationship between the child and the other parent. In families where there is a high level of conflict and animosity between parents, research shows that children are at a greater risk of developing emotional, social and behavioural problems, as well as difficulties with concentration and educational achievement. It certainly does not discourage further hostile behaviour, nor does it engender goodwill for the future. Reacting to these comments in the same tone creates a pattern of aggressive behaviour that increases conflict rather than reduces it. Hostile comments can show up in text messages, emails, Facebook and face-to-face comments. By Deborah Wilson, Senior Associate and Accredited Family Law SpecialistĬommunicating with your ex after separation can be fraught with difficulty and emotion, particularly where it is necessary to keep in regular contact regarding parenting arrangements.